Unending Stigma: The story of Abigail!
By: Steve Aborisade

“I have seen people die simply because they could not see themselves surviving this condition. Life is all about challenges and you have to face everything with boldness. I have not lost hope in tomorrow” and of her late daughter she says, “I know that she was rejected in this world, but thank God she is not HIV positive in the bosom of the Lord”. Abigail Atirene-Obeten, in actionaid photo exhibition.

Anyone can tell on entering the house that something big was in the air. The atmosphere was brimming with joy. The women were more noticeable, clustered in groups, laughing cheekily, some sat behind big cooking bowls not minding the chocking smoke. Others sat around just gossiping, while another set of women were busy sharing out the textile-lace-material that the family had chosen for the big occasion. The men seemed content as they sat banished around a big table with several unopened bottles of beer. The larger narrative is around their feet, where empty green bottles speak of the true report of the ongoing battle of wills! These heroes will keep no prisoners, the look on their faces tells of a long drawn battle here.

In the din of this event, the patriarch of the group, Pa James Otomewo, was at the peak of his happiness. He asked the men be served fried meat and the order was greeted with claps and happy laughter. It is Pa Otomewo’s day and this was the eve of his daughter’s wedding. The next day, he will be giving his beloved daughter, Abigail, away in marriage. His happiness was palpable.

At the other end of town a similar event was taking place, as young men chanting military slogans gathered by one side of the big house bidding their friend farewell to bachelorhood. The man at the center of the event is getting married to the dream of his life, the only love he had known, and the only woman he had wanted. To crown it, the woman was already carrying their baby.  The reality that he was going to be married and at the same time instantly become a father was overpowering.

The next day, they were happily married. As Abigail recalled, “the attention and love was incredible. First from my husband, his family, my immediate family, especially my dad, our church members and neighbors, every where I turned I was showered with genuine love.”  She made new friends, particularly from their church, the Redeemed Christian Church of God, and she cherished the house fellowships. Her life was taking great shape. She recently just got commissioned as an officer of the Security Service; her husband also was a Senior Supervisor at a security firm, who later joined the Redeemed Church as an accountant.

The couple looked forward expectantly to the birth of their baby, and Abigail commenced the antenatal clinic thinking of when she will cuddle her child.

At the antenatal clinic, she underwent series of testing which were required of all expectant mothers’, unknown to her; they also conducted the HIV test on her. Like a flash of thunderbolt, everything changed in an instant.  Abigail tested HIV positive! Typical of the prevalent doctrine in our healthcare system, she was not considered important enough, so she was not told the result of the HIV test; instead they called her husband and disclosed her status to him. They however told her that she had tuberculosis. Strange enough, Abigail’s husband also prefer to confide in their pastor and not the wife he claimed to love.

Abigail did not know about her situation until several months after the birth of her child, Rachel. She was however aware that things were changing rapidly around her. Not only were things changing, people have also changed. The first indication emerged when she was asked to stop attending the house fellowship hosted among members of their congregation under the pretext that she was still recuperating from childbirth. In her words “I got the message clear and straight when they stopped coming to our house when it is our turn to host them, I realized I was also not welcome at the married women meeting”. “All of these time, I was still unaware of my HIV positive status. To add to my predicament, behind my back, my husband actually did a thanksgiving in our church to thank God that his wife has been healed of HIV/AIDS and to think that I did not even know that I am positive”.

Getting to know my status
“Till date, I still ponder about how I got infected with HIV. The person I was involved with in my earlier relationship never tested positive to HIV and I have never been irresponsible, I never considered dating any other person till I got involved with my husband.” “Eventually, I got to know my status when my father called me and told me my husband just left him, and said that I am HIV positive. He actually went to my father because he wanted to drive me and my baby away. My father did not believe him, and he said so. At this point, I had stopped attending our church because the pastor of our parish in Ikoyi actually asked me to stop coming. I went to do a confirmatory test at St. Nicholas and I was confirmed HIV positive. My earlier diagnosis was at the Military Hospital Yaba, during my antenatal”.

“Not long after this my husband stopped coming home, and he actually began to date another woman. The lady became pregnant for him and he married her. He just abandoned me totally. My in-laws tried to intervene and they showed their support but my husband rebuffed them. I had no choice but to return to my father’s house. I was initially able to cope because of the support and love that father showed me”.

For Abigail, this was to end as soon as it started, for she lost her father. She not only lost her father, she also lost Rachel. Her salon had earlier asked that she not return. Ostracized and having nowhere to turn, she resorted to all manner of menial jobs to sustain herself. “Everything happened too fast for me” she recalled. She was totally overwhelmed because aside of her loses, her health was deteriorating fast. She had enrolled at Amaya facility, a government sponsored trial cure program with nine others, however after four agonizing months during which time her cd4 count had dropped from 672 to 210, she had no choice to withdraw from the program. As she recollected “those who continued with the program are not alive today to tell their story”. Aside of this, she has also had to cope with tuberculosis aside of her HIV positive condition. But more than that, her siblings also chose this period to unleash their terror.

“After the death of my father, my brothers said I should vacate the family house at number 201, old Ojo road, Agboju, Amuwo Odofin in Lagos so I don’t infect them with HIV”. “This was a trying period for me, I was hoping and banking on their support and love but they felt I deserve otherwise. This heralds my new trial which I still face till now”. “Before then, the first major obstacle I had to face was when my daughter was sent out of school because of this HIV issue, which was a really low moment in my life. You could imagine a little girl of two years, who does not know anything, who has no say or choice about her situation having to face so much hatred and scorn. It was in the middle of all of this that she developed intestinal complications and she gave up the ghost”.

Abigail has survived on so many fronts; she’s had to deal at the moment with TB re infection, the first time she was diagnosed was 2000. She was cured but got re infected on the line of duty. Abigail has taken it upon herself to care for those who needed help but are getting none. It was in this process that she got re infected again. At a time, she was managing the HIV/AIDS program of the Fountain of life Church, in Ilupeju, Lagos Nigeria and was really involved in care efforts. Till date, credit will go to Abigail for being among the brave few who actually put a face to HIV in Nigeria. To those who know, the challenges of managing TB with HIV/AIDS are enormous, although in Nigeria like most other African countries, TB remains the major co-infection of HIV/AIDS.

Abigail must now, as with other compelling challenges, quickly deal with the prospect of loosing her shelter. Earlier in the year she approached Deremi Desalu, the Executive officer of the Lagos AIDS control Agency to come to her assistance and get a government policy to forestall her being rendered homeless.

Her siblings are resolute now more than ever before that she could no longer continue to stay with them in the same house: “It has started immediately father died, with my father around; no one was able to do anything because they knew how close I was to him, but immediately he gave up the ghost a new era emerged. I realized I was no longer consulted when it comes to taking decisions that affects the family. I was generally excluded from our family meetings, even during preparations for my father’s burial; I was given minimal role despite the fact that I am a senior child. They are so strategic about their plans to evict me that they wait until those periods that I am down to maltreat me. I lost my privacy long ago. I no longer bother to lock my room because if I do, before I come back, it would have been broken. I reported them at the police station, but it was soon obvious that they have found a way around that. They went to the police station to report that my HIV virus has entered my head and that I am basically insane. It’s as bad as that, the case got to the Lagos State Ministry of Justice through the help of Dr. Desalu, the Ministry has invited them but they failed to show up. That is my lot, all because of HIV. It is sad. In fact, there is a particular sister of mine who says she is going to kill me in no time, I don’t know how serious her threat is, but the irony will be that even the HIV virus that has take me through all this will eventually not be the one to kill me, because HIV does not actually kill, HIV is manageable, you can live your life and so many people are living their life. In their stupidity, what they should think about is the fact that none of them have gotten HIV from me despite the fact that we have been staying together for this long, this should prick their heart”.

[ Back to Interviews ]