HIV/AIDS On The Matrimonial Bed!
By Bolajoko Ogungbile

Who gave this woman to this man as wife? The priest asked.
It was the wedding between Funmi and Dare. Funmi’s father, Chief Adetola, answered “I do,” as he handed over Funmi’s hand to Dare.

With a heart full of joy, she read the marriage creed, “I Funmi takes you Dare, as my lawful wedded husband … till death do us part.” For a brief moment, she wore a smiling face as she recalled the event as though it were yesterday. As if waking up from a trance, Funmi sighed and burst into a cry.

Funmi’s world came crashing two years ago after she tested positive to HIV following the discovery that her husband had tested positive. He later confessed to his ‘extra marital’ escapades.

Funmi is just one of those women and indeed men alike, who have had to bear the undue consequence of their spouse’s infidelity. As HIV continues to elude most attempts to curb its spread, more attention is being paid to individual behavioral, social-cultural and economic patterns that contribute to its strength.

According to Justin Malewezi, the Chairman of the Parliamentary Committee on HIV/AIDS in Malawi, “Married women are more vulnerable to contracting HIV/AIDS from within the confines and comfort of their bedrooms than sex workers who are normally considered to be of high risk.” This he attributes to cultural beliefs and religious convictions that oblige wives to be respectful of and to be obedient to their husbands - even when there is reason to suspect infidelity.

Indeed, the marital bed is supposed to be a safe haven, but sometimes the reverse is the case as many spouses (the majority of them women) contract the HIV virus right on their matrimonial bed. Corroborating this could be the reality where the sero prevalence indicator in Nigeria is actually the number of positive women that showed up in our hospitals.

Mrs. Dayo Adepegba, the Deputy President of a support group in South West Nigeria, is an example of such women. She said it started when her husband was transferred from Ibadan, where they lived, to Ofa, in Kwara State. After abandoning her for more than a year, she could not suppress nature taking its toll on her. So she decided to go and meet her husband so as to answer ‘nature’s call’.

“When I got to Ofa, I upbraided him for leaving us for so long without bothering to find out how we were coping. He just explained it off with one excuse and the other. I was even the one that was pestering him to make love to me. What he said shocked me. He asked me if I had not been ‘finding a way out’ since he left me. I asked him if that was what he was doing. He said yes.
“When I look back now, I regret for that night; I was even the one that was begging him to make me feel like a woman. That singular act is responsible for my HIV status now.”

Sex is widely accepted as the ultimate show of affection and an essential element of marriage, making abstinence between partners almost unthinkable. But if abstinence is out of the question, and innocent people are being infected with HIV virus by their spouses, the important issue being raised is whether the use of condoms should now be seriously considered as a means of prevention against STIs and HIV in a marriage.

A driver in Ikeja, who just gave his name as Pius, confessed that he has two wives at home and three girlfriends outside. He stated matter-of-factly that he never uses condom because he doesn’t enjoy the feeling it gives. When he was told of the danger of having unprotected sex, he confidently said he can never contract HIV or any STD. “As you see me, do I look like an AIDS patient?” he asked.

John, a trader in Ogba, admitted to knowing the danger in having unprotected sex, but said his wife is not in any danger because none of his girlfriends have HIV.

The issue of transfer of HIV virus on the matrimonial bed is not limited to men alone. It can be transferred through any unfaithful spouse at anytime unintentionally. But considering religious and cultural factors, a woman is expected to “give her body” to her husband at his will. In fact, in the traditional African setting, a woman is no better than a ‘sex machine’ and a ‘baby factory’. A woman is expected to be ‘submissive’ to the husband at any given time. Even in a situation where the woman suspects the husband of infidelity, she is still expected to surrender her body to the man whenever he wants to satisfy his sexual desire, and she cannot tell her husband to use condom for fear of being accused of having extra marital affair herself.

Harmful marriage practices like early or premature marriage are also part of the factors that makes a woman susceptible to HIV infection. Young married girls are not able to negotiate condom use to protect themselves, because they are still seen as ‘babies’ by their husbands.

The factors of poverty and ignorance have also contributed in no small measure to this epidemic. The wife may not have the minimum knowledge necessary to know that she can contract HIV through her husband’s sex escapades. In other cases where the wife tries to put in a little resistance for the husband to use condoms, she may lack the money to buy it.

Malewezi, in his counsel, advises that if the effort to prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS would yield a tangible result, there must be a way of preventing the spread of HIV in the bedroom.

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